I'll be the fucking judge of that...

I know that there are some mean-spirited old farts out there who say the art of Burlesque is now so middle-of-the-road it is basically an excuse for any old flabby reader's wife, the kind who'd never get a job at a lap-dancing joint in a million years, to jiggle their bits for a brief shimmer of applause. I'd never say such a thing but I know a few who do, though I'll name no names - my lips are soiled, darlings, my lips are soiled.

Anyway, times they are a changin'. So much so that I write on the eve of the eve of what I believe to be the first ever 'Boylesque Battle 2008'. Heat 1 takes place this Wednesday 20th Feb @ The Green Carnation on Greek Street in Soho. It starts at 8pm and is £5 on the door - all proceeds go to the kids.

Who are the kids? Not the succulent chunks of gamey sporting boyflesh that I'm entering are entering the competition, no. They are the kids of Mekhala House Orphanage, Prey Veng, Cambodia. The orphanage has been running for 2 years and looks after 35 children, providing them with education and empowerment. And corsets, hopefully, if we raise enough dosh, god-willing.

So, brace yourselves, darlings - and I mean brace yourselves - for the 'Boylesque Battle 2008'

If you fancy yourself a champ, to enter just email cabaretcarnival@googlemail.com

Wednesday 20th Feb - Heat 1
Wednesday 27th Feb - Heat 2
Wednesday 5th March - Heat 3

8pm at the Green Carnation, Greek St, Soho

The Final: Sunday 9th March @ 'Cabaret Carnival', Madame Jojos

Judges: Dickie Beau, Dusty Limits, Mr Meredith

Ding fucking dong.